Becoming an adoptive parent is to commit yourself to the adoption process, which does not stop when a baby or child is placed with you.  It’s a life long commitment not only to yourself and to your child, but to honor your child’s birthparents as your children grow and want to learn about their origin.   

If you’ve come this far, you’ve probably realized that biology is not a crucial factor in the parent/child relationship.  Your heart is open and ready to accept who is meant to be your child.  Like the anticipation of any baby, the process does not come without its share of fear and joy.  Becoming and being an adoptive parent can be a struggle at times, but when the day is quiet, and your little on is in your arms where they belong, it’s well worth all you have to go through. 

One of the things you need to do before welcoming your child is to read, research and read some more.  You must be versed on positive adoption language which we can cover later.  You also need to know how to answer the questions of well meaning friends and family.  And believe me the questions will come, some ridiculous and some almost crude.  But it’s your responsibility to educate those in your life so that as your child grows, he/she will be surrounded by adoption in a positive light.  The goal is to be prepared to talk to anyone about adoption, your parents and family, your friends, your co-workers, and ultimately your child. 

There are many degrees of openness in Domestic Adoption and in International Adoption; of course information on the birth family may be limited. But whatever the case may be in your life, you must honor the decision or requirements made prior to the placement of this child.  That is not to say that relationships with birth families won’t change over time.  At first everything is new to you and to the birthmother especially.  You will be sleep deprived, and she will be grieving but it will be extremely important for both of you to continue with the level of openness that was agreed upon.  In many cases, as time goes by and you’ve all had time to adjust to the new roles in your life, you may wish for more openness in your relationship.  In some sad cases, for the well being of your child, you may wish to lessen contact with the birth family.  In that case, you need to be up front with them.  Don’t just disappear from their lives.  You owe them that courtesy.  But more often than not, the agreed upon level of contact suits all parties just fine and the years go on and becomes a rich and rewarding part of your life. 

Each parent seems to come up with a different story to tell their child about how they came into the family. All told truthful but in a gentle, age appropriate way.  You can incorporate their story it into a bedtime story, do a Lifebook for your child to read, (a scrapbook or journal that chronicles how your child came into your family) or just keep it an open topic of discussion.  Avoid keeping it under wraps then one day sitting down with your child to have the “talk”.  If it’s something that they are always aware of on some level, you will likely have a more positive experience with how they handle this information.  Just make sure you and your partner share the same version of the story so your child is not left confused.  Remember this is big stuff for a little one to handle, and as the parent it’s your job to soften the delivery.

 But the most important thing about being an adoptive parent is the relationship you will share with your child.  Going through a struggle to bring your little one into your lives will fill you heart with a gratitude that his hard to beat when it finally becomes a reality.  Each experience with your new baby or child will open your eyes to the world like never before.  It will be impossible to put into words the love you will feel and each day will bring new rewards that you never though possible.  To raise your child with love, security, enthusiasm, compassion will not only benefit him or her, but it will fulfill all the dreams your heart had about what it is to be the best parent you know how to be.